Computer Idiots

Quote Chapter: Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.

Shout out: I still have some work to be done!

True telephone conversations recorded from various
Help Desks around the
U.K

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have ?
Customer: A white one…
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my
diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?
Customer: Yes, but it’s really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note
…
Customer: No … wait a minute… I hadn’t insertedit
yet… it’s still
on my desk… sorry .
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==================

Helpdesk: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the
left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left ?
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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and …
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical
on me ! I’m not Bill
Gates damn it !
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==============

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print.
Every time I try it
says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve
even lifted the printer and placed it in front of
the monitor, but the
computer still says he can’t
find it…
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Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?
Customer: No.
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Helpdesk: What’s on your monitor now ma’am ?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for
me in
the supermarket.
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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It’s not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me,
but nothing’s
happening.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it’s plugged into the
computer ?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10
pacesback.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged
in.
Is there another
keyboard ?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that
one does work !
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Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in
apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the
number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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A customer couldn’t get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right
password ?
Customer: Yes I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password
was ?
Customer: Five stars.
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================

Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That’s not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
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=================

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has
placed
a screensaver on my
computer, but every
time I move the mouse, it disappears !
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Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help
you ?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4
hours
for you. Can you
please tell me how long it
will take before you can help me ?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don’t understand your
problem ?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the
help
button more than 4
hours ago. Can you tellme when you will finally be
helping me ?
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Helpdesk: How may I help you ?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the
problem ?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I
get the circle around it ?